Saturday, 28 September 2019

The Citra Sketch

Scene: A craft beer bar. One table is occupied by a group of hipsters with flat peak caps on. A man and his wife enter.

Man: You sit here, dear.

Wife: All right.

Man (to Waitress): Evening!

Waitress: Evening!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's IPA with mosaic and simcoe; IPA with mosaic and centennial; IPA with mosaic and citra; IPA with mosaic, simcoe and citra; IPA with mosaic, simcoe, centennial and citra; IPA with citra, simcoe, centennial and citra; IPA with citra, mosaic, citra, citra, simcoe and citra, IPA with citra, vic secret, citra, citra, mosaic, citra, centennial and citra;

Hipsters (starting to chant): Citra citra citra citra...

Waitress: ...citra, citra, citra, mosaic, and citra; IPA with citra, citra, citra, citra, citra, mosaic, citra, citra, citra...

Hipsters (singing): Citra! Lovely citra! Lovely citra!

Waitress: ...or American farmhouse ale with spelt and rye malt, aged for 18 months in red wine barrels, refermented with brett on heirloom varietal apricots and dry hopped with mosaic and citra.

Wife: Have you got anything without citra?

Waitress: Well, there's IPA with citra, mosaic, simcoe and citra, that's not got much citra in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY citra!

Man: Why can't she have IPA with mosica, simcoe, citra and vic secret?

Wife: THAT'S got citra in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much citra in it as IPA with citra, mosaic, simcoe and citra, has it?

With apologies to Monty Python.

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